i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
