i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
