my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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