So drunk, too bad you don't want this
one two three fourrrrnication!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
