So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
