WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
