he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
