After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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