if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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