So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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