Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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