2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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