If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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