I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
