I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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