But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
