dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
