Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
