Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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