I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am one with the molecules
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
