I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
