How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she told me i tasted like america
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
