He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
