they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
