3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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