sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
