I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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