Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
