Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
