i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
