highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
