I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
