I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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