Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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