let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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