Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
