there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
