He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
