A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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