Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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