I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
