I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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