It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
