theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
