dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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