All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
