i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
