i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
