I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
