But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
